Just in case Amazon and shopping malls weren’t enough for you, here’s a magazine with all the stuff we sell.
Please look over EVERYTHING before you decide what to spend your money on.
Listen to 8-Track Tapes
The 8-track tape is a magnetic tape sound-recording technology that was popular in the United States from 1964 to 1988 when the Compact Cassette format took over. The format is regarded as obsolete technology and was relatively unknown outside the United States and other first-world countries.
8 tracks were also as obsolete as their replacements, cassette tapes, but especially useless are Boston 8 tracks.
Wood-Paneled Station Wagons
The beloved “Woodie” station wagon was the classic family car before SUVs came along.
if your dad came home with one of these beauties he couldn’t wait to run off and show it to the neighbors.
Rewatch the Old Saturday Night Live
The first season of Saturday Night Live originally aired on NBC on October 11, 1975.
Do you remember when Hollywood icons were on Saturday Night Live? Guys like Chevy Chase, Dan Akroyd, and John Belushi were once starting out there.
Pay One Dollar for Terrible Items
There was a time when a store full of things that cost five or ten cents existed.
These days you have to go to the dollar store for cheap, easily breakable items.
Own TVs With Knobs
Can you believe that you used to have to turn a knob to change the channel on the TV?
Luckily, they didn’t have thousands of channels back then.
Think Payphone Are In
Some payphones are still around, but most of them are obsolete in an era where everybody has at least one smartphone.
In fact, there are some kids today (Gen Zs) who have no idea that phone booths even existed.
Silly Putty Is Forever
Some things do last forever. Silly putty was a hit with the kids in the 1950s, I played with it as a kid in the 1990s, and it is still around today.
It just goes to show how the simplest products can produce the greatest pleasure, no matter when they were invented.
Can't Move on From Patterned Vests
Three-piece suits include a vest, but at least it is a nice solid color with no pattern. Some vests, however, are meant to be a fashion piece that is worn without a jacket.
A vest is a silly item of clothing with no real function, but patterned ones are truly hideous. There is no human being good-looking enough to pull this one off.
Slurp Spam for Supper
Meat in a can, pre-cooked, and made with ham was a staple in every baby boomer's kitchen for a while.
It was very versatile and was the only canned meat product that didn’t need refrigeration. Is that a good thing?
Transistor Radios
Transistor radios went the way of the dodo once portable Walkmans and portable CD players were invented, but during the 60s and 70s, these were the epitome of cool.
They gave teenagers the freedom to listen to their own music and were one of the most popular electronic devices in music history.
Tinfoil on the TV Antenna
Before flat screens, TVs were big boxes with an antenna on top.
This may seem silly, but people used to put tinfoil on these “rabbit ears” to improve reception and get a better picture. Take that 4K!
The Phone Book
Phone books used to be delivered to your door every year, and if you needed to call someone you had to flip through this heavy book and find the number alphabetically.
What a waste of paper. And after all that you had to deal with the rotary phone... sigh.
Add Jell-O to Every Dish
There’s always room for Jell-O, but this jiggly dessert does not go with everything.
During the ’60s, savory Jell-O was a big hit, mixed with pork, fish, lamb, cottage cheese, fruit, and more. Thankfully, this trend has gone away just like flowered bell-bottoms.
Recall Billboard Tobacco Ads
In the 1960s and ’70s, before the dangers of smoking were so well known, cigarette ads were everywhere. With the kid-friendly Joe Camel and the strong silent Marlboro Man beloved by everyone.
Or as the Lucky Strike slogan proclaimed: “It’s toasted.” But as public opinion thankfully turned against smoking, tobacco advertising on billboards was banned.
Admire Paul Newman
It’s a sad fact that kids today only know Paul Newman from his brand of salad dressing or frozen pizza, but baby boomers know that he was one of the coolest guys who ever lived.
Not only was he a famous movie star who starred in "Cool Hand Luke," but he also raced cars!
Reminisce About TV Stations' Sign-Offs
It’s almost impossible to believe in this day and age of 24/7 TV and video on demand, but TV channels used to end their programming at night.
They changed the screen to static and many even played the national anthem before signing off.
Eat Swanson’s TV dinners
TV dinners still exist today but not many people remember when they were first invented.
The first Swanson TV dinners offered a veritable Thanksgiving feast with turkey, gravy, whipped potatoes, peas, stuffing, and even cobbler for dessert.
Put Baseball Cards in Bike Spokes
Are baseball cards still a thing?
Still, the sound of the cards hitting the spokes during a fast ride was strangely satisfying.
Look Up Information on Encyclopedias
Before the internet and smartphones, we couldn’t settle any bet in seconds just by googling the answer. People used to look up information they needed in encyclopedias.
Most families kept a complete alphabetical set that they probably bought from a traveling salesman – another thing that is now obsolete.
Stay at Hotels
Identical germ-filled cubes, no thanks.
Airbnb is so much better.
Criticize Millennials for Everything
By putting money first, you did irreparable damage to the environment, stagnated wages, created crippling debt with student loans, and siphoned off our retirement money, but millennials are the worst, right?
We are so sorry about Sears and Applebee’s.
Count on Nationalism
Being a patriot is a good thing, but when that causes you to feel superior to all other places and people, there’s a definite problem.
A little more acceptance is always a good thing.
Won't Let DVDs and VHS Tapes Go
These are bad for the environment and prone to scratches.
Just go digital to save space and enjoy better quality.
Purchase Overpriced Activewear
I need more flannel in my life, said every baby boomer, ever.
I guess nothing is going to stop them from buying more preppy and over-priced activewear.
Read Paper Newspapers
They used to say that tomorrow you will use them to wrap fish, but today they are out of date from the moment they get printed.
People get their news online these days.
Work 9-to-5
How much real work gets done Monday to Friday from nine to five?
Have you ever considered that this may not be the most efficient way to work, especially for parents?
Waste Paper Napkins
Less fancy and worse for the environment than fabric napkins, it's also just not as effective as paper towels.
It’s time to chuck these wasteful, waxy paper bits.
Purchase Clothes at Chico's
Chico’s? really?
Even Lane Bryant is a better option than this.
Believe Alex Jones
Hey, I know this guy’s shocking stories and conspiracy theories are entertaining.
But if he doesn’t produce any proof, can you really call this news?
In Denial About Sweepstakes
It’s time to face the harsh truth.
You are never ever going to win.
Can't Let Go of Capri Khaki Pants
Wearing khaki clothing that is not part of a uniform is a complete fashion crime.
That length would make Lebron James look short.
Fall for Multi-Level Marketing
Amway, short for the American way, is the first multi-level marketing business.
What is it with baby boomers and pyramid schemes? I thought they were good at making money.
Listen to Financial Advisers
How do you make so much money that you actually have to pay someone for advice on what to do with it?
The bad news is that studies show that financial advisers are less effective than no financial advice at all.
Read Danielle Steel Novels
If they sell it at the supermarket it’s probably not going to be topping any best book lists.
On the other hand, you will never run out of books to read. How many books did this woman write?
Still Wear Blouses
Made of synthetic fabrics, a pain to iron and with crazy patterns.
These always have the worst patterns, too.
Display China
Just what every house needs, expensive dishes that no one ever uses with their own decorative shelf.
Go crazy people, eat off those plates!
Devoted to Gendered Items
Baby boomers seem to only see the world in blues and pinks.
Someone should tell them that this is a brave new world and boys and girls can play with whatever they want.
Love Chain Restaurants
There’s one in every city in America and they are all exactly the same.
Next time, treat yourself to more than Olive Garden and check out a one-of-a-kind local restaurant instead.
Collect Knickknacks
They take up shelf space, collect dust, and are absolutely worthless.
What’s the deal with knickknacks?
Devour at Buffets
All-you-can-eat sounds like a good idea in theory, but there is something a little off about a never-ending supply of steak, pancakes, lobster, and biscuits, all sitting under a heat lamp.
Save yourself a stomach ache, pick a meal, and just go with it.
Bathe With Soap Bars
Bar soap is gross and not for sharing, and the things that stick to it, ugh.
Liquid soap just looks and smells better.
Tax the Rich
It’s about time somebody worried about the rich minority in America.
Hope you’re not too attached to the surplus economy. It was nice while it lasted.
Eat Way Too Much Processed Foods
I guess baby boomers got sick of real food and decided that processed was the way to go.
We have them to thank for the popularity of TV dinners and canned food.
Tune In for Dateline
The veteran TV show has been on the air for over twenty years, taking the news and making it longer.
The only question left to ask is, why?
Place Potpourri at Home
Does anyone know or want to know what potpourri smells like?
It seems like the odor never escapes the weirdly shaped bowls it is placed in.
Utilize Metal Detectors
There’s nothing cooler than someone walking down the beach with one of these babies.
And they can also take you to dinner and pay with tons of old bottle caps and absolutely nothing of value.
Drink Concentrated Juice
I’m not saying you have to squeeze an orange every morning, but fresh OJ comes in a box and all you need to do is pour.
Instead, you can take a can out of the freezer, mix it with water and wait. Who thought this was a good idea?
Throw Throw Pillows Everywhere
Pillows, pillows everywhere, on every bed, chair, couch, and surface in the house.
They don’t have any use and it takes you ten minutes to take them off the bed before you can go to sleep.
Flip Through Catalogs
Just in case Amazon and shopping malls weren’t enough for you, here’s a magazine with all the stuff we sell.
Please look over EVERYTHING before you decide what to spend your money on.
Fall for Avon's Pyramid Schemes
I don’t get Avon, heavily perfumed women come to your home and charge you double for this pyramid makeup scheme.
Why not go to Sephora or Mac or go to the drugstore for the cheaper brands?
Eat Salads That Make No Sense
It’s true that millennials eat strange things.
I mean, who doesn’t love kombucha and sprouted nuts? But at least they have never made anyone suffer through the indignity of eating broccoli grape salad dipped in mayonnaise.
Buy Infomercial Products
As if regular commercials aren’t bad enough, each one of these lasts for half an hour.
Infomercials are proof that people with too much money will buy anything.
Meatloaf Forevermore
There is one weekly meal dreaded by every child. You guessed it, it’s meatloaf night! It’s a gross rectangle, covered in brown slime with a bland taste.
And you wonder why hipster food is so popular?
Put Fuzzy Seat Covers
These fuzzy butt warmers trap so many odors and germs inside that washing them even twice a day is not enough.
I have to say, the cold seems better than the grossness.
Fall for Fossil Fuels
Baby boomers are considered the greediest generation.
It’s time to stop destroying the planet and fighting wars over oil and start spending money on green, sustainable energy.
Good Old Cable TV packages
When was the last time you checked out the farming channel? Nobody actually needs thousands of channels on five different television sets, for a large monthly fee, when you are only interested in the news and primetime shows.
Haven’t you heard of Netflix?
Patterned Wallpaper in the Bathroom
Wallpaper almost always looks bad, but baby boomers put it everywhere.
Including the bathroom.
Play Racquetball
Just like tennis but instead of enjoying the open air, you are stuck in a tiny room, hitting a ball against the wall and smelling your own sweat.
What’s the point? Why not just play tennis?
Still Wearing Slacks
Even Gisele can’t make these look good.
They are like regular pants but with pleats around the waist, you know, where people want to look the widest.
They Love Shopping Channels
As if we all don’t already buy too much stuff we don’t need, now there are entire networks of useless products transmitting 24/7.
Even capitalism could use a break from time to time.
Mrs. Dash Gives Them Flavor
The world is full of exotic spices and flavors, but baby boomers seem to be stuck on just one – Mrs. Dash and use it on everything.
Hmmm, tastes... the same.
Retirement Funds
Saving up for retirement is a good idea, but when you guys empty out all the money Social Security has, the rest of us will never be able to retire.
Since you helped set these systems up, that hardly seems fair.
MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS
How can we explain why this is such a problem...
IT MAKES EVERYTHING YOU WRITE SEEM LIKE YELLING.
Pay Paper Bills
This is messy, hard to keep track of, and bad for the environment.
Why would anyone pay their bills the old-fashioned way when you can do it online or use automatic payments?
Go on Cruises
What an amazing idea, a floating hotel you can only leave for a few hours a day, with a set agenda, shuffleboard, and all-you-can-eat buffets.
This sounds like the perfect way for an adventurous journey to enjoy the local sights, culture, and cuisine. Or not.
Use Landlines
There’s a reason the expression waiting by the phone is obsolete.
Even though landlines are basically free these days, there’s really no reason not to use your cell phone for all your calls and other cool stuff too.
Send Emails
Haven’t you heard of WhatsApp or at least texting?
Nobody sends emails anymore.
Watch NCIS
It seems that after a certain age, you just can’t stop yourself from following every procedural cop show on TV.
After a while, the stories start repeating themselves, but hey, at least you know it’s all going to work out in 60 minutes (including commercials).
Believe Conspiracy Theories
Baby boomers love conspiracy theories from the faked moon landing to the Soviets assassinating JFK.
It’s not hard to see why the popularity of fake news sites is on the rise.
Airbrushed T-shirts
These are so street style, or at least they used to be, maybe.
Who's gonna tell grandma that her hip-hop graffiti is not the best fashion choice?
Word Wall Art
Who thought inspirational quotes hanging in the bathroom were a good idea? Baby boomers, apparently.
It doesn’t matter if they are decals or painted on, these are just plain tacky.
Wear Jorts
The perfect outfit, both jeans and shorts.
They go with everything, especially Crocs, and don’t forget to tuck in your shirt to complete the look.
Iron Clothes
Ironing is the worst and most boring household chore. It’s better to be a bit wrinkled than to slave away over a hot iron.
And FYI, nobody has creases in their pants anymore, you’re not in the army now.
Read Reader's Digest
What is so amazing about Reader’s Digest that makes baby boomers love it so much?
No one knows, but the magazine has been around for nearly one hundred years or so, so maybe they’re on to something.
Wear Crocs
If you are not a medical professional or a chef, on your feet all day, there is no excuse for these ridiculous shoes.
No matter how comfortable they are.
Watch the News
No news is good news, as the saying goes, but what about the same news over and over worded slightly differently for hours?
It’s faster and more informative to just go online and find out what’s going on.
Toast, Hold the Butter
It is easy to make fun of millennials and the amount of money they spend on avocado toast, but hey, at least that tastes good.
Do you know what doesn’t? White sandwich bread toasted with nothing on top. Talk about dry…
Shop at the Mall
Since companies like Amazon, AliExpress, Target, and tons of other companies are going virtual, malls are becoming pretty obsolete. In fact, malls have become havens for bored teens in small towns, and, you guessed it — boomers. These folks still see malls as retail paradise, while the rest of us would rather shop from the office or the comfort of our own homes.
It's also worth mentioning that many people who choose to shop online do it because they don't want to drive unnecessarily to shopping malls. Boomers haven't quite got the message with that one though.
Still Love Golf
This is the most boring sport known to man. It doesn't really count as workout and actually hurts your back.
Is golf anything other than a status symbol and a place for wealthy men to discuss business? Also, the start-up costs are enormous. Count me out.
Obsessed With Diamonds
A girl’s best friend or not, it turns out that diamonds aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. These precious gems are released slowly into the market to drive up their prices, keeping their costs scandalously high.
How many people could enjoy free higher education with all the money spent on diamonds?
Eat Margarine
In the 1950s fats got a bad name and people were trying to eat less butter.
Somehow, they came up with margarine as a substitute. It's a greasy artificial product that doesn’t taste nearly as good.
Use Answering Machines
People used to have answering machines with little cassette tapes to record their messages when they weren’t home.
Please leave your message after the tone, BEEEEP.
Actually Go to the Bank
If you really have to go to your actual bank, which is highly unlikely, at least use the drive-thru or the automatic transactions through the ATM.
Baby boomers actually still go to the bank...regularly!
Light Cigarettes With Car Lighters
Smoking? Inside your own car? You can never get rid of that smell.
No one uses these anymore, except maybe to stick in a phone charger.
Still Pay With Checks
Can I give you a check? The answer should always be no.
If someone is holding up the line in the grocery store writing a check, you can bet they’re a baby boomer.
Use Physical Dictionaries
Once upon a time, if you wanted to know the definition of something you looked it up in the dictionary.
But hey, sometimes they had pictures.
Wear Socks With Sandals
According to some boomers, mainly old dads of course, this is the perfect combination of casual and safe. Sandals are great for casual wear. You can just slip them on and show up anywhere, just add a sock for protection.
Unfortunately, this type of boomer logic is wreaking havoc in the fashion world. Even worse, not only is this look terrible, but it's also really, really old. Not even "boomer" old. Yep. It goes way back. According to archeologists, elderly Romans wore socks with sandals roughly 2000 years ago. So, it's a generational thing we guess.
Collect S&H Green Stamps.
In case you don't even know what S&H Green Stamps are, they were a line of trading stamps that were popular in the United States from the 1930s until the late 1980s. While no one actually uses them (except for boomers of course), they are actually still redeemable to this day.
That is correct! Old folks are still spending their days mulling over what to do with their treasured book of S&H Green Stamps. A new transistor radio? A collectible model plane? There are many ways in which an old boomer can spoil themselves using stamps.
Have Old Pogo Stick
These beloved toys came out in 1957. For kids in the 50s and 60s, endlessly jumping up and down on one spot was about as fun as it could get. Then came the skateboard, remote-controlled trucks, GameBoys, and PlayStations. Still, for the boomer, the Pogo Stick is where it all ends.
In fact, you are likely to find old Pogo Sticks in many a basement. Boomers find it hard to get rid of things and probably still pray that their kids will discover these treasured toys for themselves. Alas, millennials have yet to revive the Pogo Stick, probably because they're too busy playing video games.
Watch Movie at a Drive-in
Ah, the drive-in. A symbol of nostalgia for many Gen-X'ers. This is where a lot of the magic used to happen. Teens dazzled by cool new films, boyfriends and girlfriends getting frisky in their cars.
In fact, this was probably the original "Netflix and Chill." These things died quite a while ago but boomers still long for the days of the drive-in experience.
Believe Bonanza Is Hip
At a time when not many people owned color televisions, the Western TV show "Bonanza" was all the rage. This was the first show you could watch in color, which meant it was in high demand. The TV show was, of course, one of many Western-style shows and movies.
The show lasted from 1959 to 1973 and was the second-longest-running Western show in the U.S. Clearly, there is nothing baby boomers deem cooler than shows about cowboys. Thank heavens those days are behind us.
Wait for the Postman
Early boomers often reminisce about the old postal system. It doesn't seem very cool, but, to each their own we suppose. They probably still long for the days of checking their mail twice a day and having friendly neighborhood chats. The postman sure had a special place in society once upon a time.
These days, if you want to send a letter to someone, just text it. There are so many platforms available. Unless you need to send a package, in which case you may as well just buy whatever it is you want yourself on Amazon, Wish, or AliExpress.
Dial Using a Rotary Phone
Baby boomers hate smartphones. The more contact, the better. In fact, if pulleys and levers came with phones, we bet Gen-X'ers would love those too. This is why they still love the rotary phone.
Maybe that's something millennials will bring back too, along with vinyl and Polaroid cameras. We do love our vintage things, although, it does take a lot of patience to dial a number, especially if it has a lot of nines in it.
Think Clint Eastwood Is Cool
The epitome of cool for many is none other than Clint Eastwood. The man did without a doubt have charm. Women loved him and men wanted to be him. He had the classic tough guy outlaw look that even topped that of John Wayne's (some may believe).
Still, with that legendary status, it would be a lie to say that he still has it, though baby boomers would definitely argue that.
Smoking in Films
Tobacco once ruled the media. Back when people cared less about lung disease and more about looking "cool." Famous actors who smoked in films were always playing the heroic, tough, or debonaire type. There was nothing greater than seeing a cigarette hanging from the corner of a man's mouth.
These images were also seen on billboards, TV commercials, and magazines. Fortunately, this was all seriously outlawed. Unfortunately, baby boomers still think smoking is cool. Nothing cooler than emphysema that's for sure.
Listen to Transistor Radios
Before streaming music blew up, folks had to access their pop hits elsewhere. The transistor radio. Back then, everyone had their own little personal transistor radio. They were portable so kids could travel with them everywhere and keep up to date with all the latest songs and radio shows.
Unfortunately, unless you're driving in your car, people don't really tune into the radio that much anymore. We're pretty sure, though, that if it was still an option, baby boomers would be cycling around the neighborhood with these little things on full blast.
Type With a Typewriter
Did you know that one of the most famous baby boomers in the world still uses a typewriter? Yep! Woody Allen! To this day, the famous director still writes all of his scripts on his typewriter.
He has done so since the beginning of his career. We wonder how many typos he gets away with because, as you know, there is no backspace option on a typewriter. Not so cool now, is it?
Listen to Vinyl
Many millennials will never experience the richness of the sound of vinyl. That is something that baby boomers definitely pride themselves on.
Whether old folks still hold onto their record players because they love the sound or because they can't navigate the plethora of music on the internet is debatable. Either way, listening to some old classic jazz on vinyl might be a smidge cool, so, we'll give them that.
Take Pictures With Polaroid Cameras
Before Instagram stories or Facebook pics, if you wanted an instant memory, you had the Polaroid camera. This chunky camera meets instant mini film lab could print a picture on the spot. The result was a cute little black-and-white picture (later color) with a white frame.
Of course, nowadays that look is super fashionable, so it looks like this time millennials still think that's cool. Another point to boomers.
Use Old Video Cameras
Before digital cinematography dominated the film market, just about every film was shot on a 35mm film camera. Baby boomers insist that films shot on 35mm have a kind of depth, texture, and warmth that cannot be replicated with digital cameras.
That might be true, but nothing can really capture sharpness and accuracy like digital. So, the debate lives on.
Into Pinball Machines
Oh, arcades. Even millennials know about arcades. They were big in the 90s. Still not as big as they were in the 60s — the height of the pinball age. Who knew that hitting a metallic ball around in a huge machine could be so fun?
Arcade games have come a long way. Well, you can just play pinball on your phone. Progress.