These crazy people complain about all the wrong things. Things like how the water was too wet or something like that. That’s just barely hyperbole. Here is a collection of the most ridiculous ones we’ve found.
It Didn't Even Dance
Yes, you read that right. Somebody gave the Statue of Liberty – probably one of the most famous statues in the entire world – one out of five stars because it was just a statue in the middle of the water.
Yeah, it might not be doing a whole lot these days, but it was a super important part of America's history, and it still holds plenty of value today. It is a little smaller than one would expect, but that doesn't mean it only deserves a single star!
And No Air Conditioning!
Sorry bud, we're going to need a little more information than “and stuff.” What was the stuff? Jaguars? Antelopes? Bigfoot? That would have been worth way more than a single star. This review could honestly just apply to anything that isn't behind closed doors.
Thankfully, there is stuff called bug spray, but this person would probably give that a one-star review, too. “I had to spray it on my face. One star.” And man, giving the entire world one star because of bugs feels a little unfair.
If She Can Vote, She's Not a Child
A lot of eateries have rules about kids of a certain age getting their meal for free, but those rules usually have a hard limit. Eleven or twelve is usually where the cutoff lies for most places. Once a kid starts growing stubble or has a credit card, they aren't considered kids anymore.
This diner complained that her nineteen-year-old daughter didn't get a free meal, but, at that age, she's an adult. Yeah, we're all children, in a way, but eighteen is the cutoff when it comes to free meals.
Imagine That
Go on and try to guess the place this review is from. If you guessed a city in Spain, you win the prize! Imagine the gall this person had. He or she arrived for a vacation only to find that – the horror! – the people in Spain spoke Spanish! Even the FOOD was Spanish!
Don't worry friend, go have a sit-down. You'll get over it before too long. Yeah, there are a lot of foreign people in this foreign country. We wonder if this person got on the wrong plane or something like that.
Adjustment Period Needed
Probably shouldn't have gone to India then! You know the country with famously spicy food that is beloved around the entire world? That country? Maybe you could have done even the smallest amount of research about this place you were about to visit?
We get that some people just can't take spicy food, but Indians love that stuff, and it supposedly helps them deal with the hotter weather. And were there really no other options to pick from? Surely there are some Indian cuisine options that aren't spicy. If not, hold on tight, because you're going for a ride.
Yup, That's a Building For You
Now, we aren't sure what country, city, or landmark this review is for, but we have a feeling this person doesn't have much appreciation for architecture. We know that brown concrete isn't the most exciting thing, but if the building was made before the twentieth century, the builders didn't have many other options.
Every single building holds information about the era it was built in. Trust us, there are way, way worse buildings.
At Least it Wasn't a Black Sawn
In most hotels, just getting enough clean towels can feel like a win. If housekeeping will fold several of them into the shape of a swan, that's an absolute win in our book. But the person who left this review wasn't happy about it – because he or she doesn't like swans.
It's not like a towel swan is going to try to attack you, make noise, or stink. Is there an animal this person might have preferred? A dung beetle, perhaps?
Always Assume Mosquitoes
If you're going to be outside, you should probably assume that mosquitoes will be in the mix. Mosquitoes are all over the world. They're incredibly pervasive and are one of the most dangerous creatures in the world, due to the diseases they can carry.
Also, of course, a brochure wouldn't mention mosquitoes – why would they mention something that one, isn't all that special, and two, isn't something that people like? Has anybody ever been excited to see a mosquito? Spiders, maybe. That's how they can solve this problem, have lots of spiders around.
You Get What You Pay For
A cheap pair of Ray-Ban sunglasses will only cost you eighty dollars. This person thought they were getting a sweet deal on some classy shades, but buying from a street vendor means you're getting knock-off goods for knock-off prices.
Street vendors don't sell authentic Ray-Bans, for the record. And giving an entire place a bad review because you didn't know what you were buying is not all that fair, is it?
Ever Seen a Globe?
Just like tossing a coin, it seems like all of these reviews could be someone having a laugh for little more than to take up some time waiting in the airport. If not, however, the person who left this review needs to go back to geography class. It only took the Americans three hours to get home because Jamaica is closer to America, dunce.
Are they just the kind of person who can make a grievance out of the pettiest things?
Sometimes You Should Assume
Yeah? And? We quake and quail to think of a world where people don't think they should bring their own swimsuits and towels to a water park.
The most amazing part of this review is that the person was capable enough to use either the internet or the phone to communicate with the water park in order to book a trip, but was not capable enough to know to bring their own clothing. Who would want to wear pre-used water park swimsuits?
In Some Languages, Nine Means No
A lot of hotels have a system added to their landlines that allow you to call reception, security, room service, or other areas with just the press of a button or two. Of course, you have to do it with the landline, because your cell phone has no idea which hotel you're staying at.
This person must not have gotten that rather simple message, because he or she thought it was important enough to leave a review.
We're Scared Too, but For a Different Reason
This family must not have been in the know about the no-so-well-kept secret of the natural world, since they had no idea about fish. Maybe they thought fish grow in aquariums.
Let's set the record straight: If you're going to water that is outdoors, There's a great chance you'll find fish in it. Unless it's a pool or something. Even little ponds will have tiny little fish swimming around. If the kids were scared of the fish, maybe the solution is to show them MORE fish, not less.
Have We Got News for You
Chances are good that this canoe trip was pretty inconvenient for those who had to listen to these people complain. It seems like there are a lot of people that sign up for trips totally unaware of what they're signing up for. For the uninitiated, a canoe is a small boat that can fit two, three people tops.
It does not have a bathroom. By definition, it cannot ever have a bathroom. Were these people just as upset about the fact that they'll have to paddle, too? The good news is, there's a bathroom all around you when you're canoeing.
The Laws Must be Changed
In Spain, a lot of businesses and workers take time off around noon to relax and keep themselves cool, getting back to work once the sun has dipped a bit.
The person who left this review not only disagreed with the practice, but he or she thought it should be banned. Is it a good business practice? That's for other people to decide. Should the government step in and tell people when they can or can't have their businesses open? A whole lot of people would say no.
Darn, That Brochure!
If this person is getting tossed for a loop by different color sand from the brochure, we bet life is always exciting. Just make sure to keep this person away from the infomercial channel, or it's going to be a mess.
Sure, maybe the brochure used a bit of color correction to make the beach pop a little bit, but it's just as likely they hired a professional photographer who knows how to capture a place when it looks the best, like at sundown. Plus, is white sand instead of yellow sand really such a dealbreaker?
It's Little Complicated, We Guess
For those missing the point, the pilot didn't tell them they were delayed because they weren't delayed. The flight spent two hours in the air, and landed at 10:55, meaning the flight crossed a time zone.
And while understanding and planning around different time zones isn't the easiest thing in the world, it's still something you can do with a little bit of time and thought. These people seemed to have no idea it was even a thing, and their mistake cost them their flight.
Stupid Antelopes
We're kind of in agreement with this one. Antelopes are boring. When you go on safari, you should be able to see much more. Some lions would be nice at the very least. Preferably chasing the antelopes Still, it goes against our better nature to give a place a bad rating.
We guess we could understand being a little upset about only seeing lots and lots of silly antelopes if you paid for an entire week of safari time, but maybe there's more to this review, and this was just the icing on the cake.
And the Open Bar was Atrocious!
You know how sometimes you see warning signs that are far too obvious? This kind of person is why these signs exist. What would convince you to sign up for a river rafting ride and take a purse? Beyond that, why would you take a three hundred dollar leather handbag anywhere near water?
If you're going to be on a river, it's best to assume that there's a chance you'll get wet. There's even a chance that you'll fall in. You'll only have yourself to blame.
Time to Pop the Champagne
This might be it, everybody. There are a lot of stupid complaints on this list, but not knowing that a hot air balloon might be bad for people with a fear of heights is very possibly the stupidest. This person managed to get into a hot air balloon, unaware that not only would it rise off the ground, but it would also go up to three thousand feet into the sky.
This would be like not knowing that cars go fast, that dogs like to play, or that babies cry. A hot air balloon is made literally only for going up.
Mountains Should Cater to Me
It looks like this version of the mountain has been getting some bad reviews, so it's back to the drawing board. We'll come up with some new paths, reshape the land a little bit, and maybe this whiner will have a better time during the next visit. Or, maybe we won't do that, because we can't really change mountains that way.
Mountains are dangerous. Really dangerous! Of course, there's also the fact that there is a lot of information about the mountains at the visitor's center, which might have helped.
It's Right There in the Name
Oh, we're sorry, was the beach too sandy for you? Was the sand too sandy for you? Too much sand on the beach, which is an area that is fully composed of sand and only sand? We're sorry. We're so sorry. Let us make it up to you.
Here's a free trip to the ocean where you can dunk your head in the water. The water that makes up the ocean. Like complaining about a mountain that is too rocky, or a forest with too many trees, this person has really made us wonder what's wrong with people.
We'll get da Vinci on the Phone
To be fair, this is something that catches a lot of people off-guard when they see this famous piece of art for the first time in real life. We always think these classic paintings are larger than life, and a lot of them are. The Mona Lisa, however, is a svelte two feet and six inches by 1 foot nine inches. Pretty small for a painting.
Still, it's one of the most famous not because of its size. It's apparently the most parodied work of art in the world. That has to make up for something.
It's Like a Brain Teaser
There are a lot of people out there that are particular about their tea, even if it is just dirty leaf water. Two sugars, three sugars, a teaspoon, or a tablespoon of milk? Everybody takes it a little differently.
If a shop offers you tea and enough milk on the side, they're probably doing it because otherwise, they'll do it wrong. Still, it's not THAT hard to figure out, is it? You just put the milk in the tea until it is the proper amount. It isn't hard.
That sounds Like a Personal Problem
Not only does this review function as a bad one for women, but it's also a good one for guys. Of course, Russia is a huge country – we bet there are plenty of women stuck in the frozen wastes near Siberia that wouldn't win any beauty contests. It's likely this person spent her (we assume) trip in the cities, which tend to attract the more good-looking people.
We want to speak directly to the person that left this review: if going to another country and seeing the women that live there ruins your self-esteem, you should work on it.
No A.C Outside?
Yeah, that's one of the worst things about being outside: there's no air conditioning. Being in super hot weather sucks, but maybe you should just deal with it for a little bit. Get some sun, get some fresh air. There is wind – that's kind of like air conditioning! Of course, if you're a coddled little baby that starts to cry if something isn't perfect, going on a boat trip isn't what you should be doing.
You should be sitting at home with the AC on and the window shades drawn and complaining about tiny trifles online.
So Much, Packed into One Short Sentence
It's a good thing that physical beauty doesn't really play into the job of being a tour guide, does it? And yet, these people found they just couldn't stomach the fact that their guide didn't have the chiseled jawline, broad shoulders, kissable lips, or hip-to-waist ratio that the physically blessed possess.
They couldn't concentrate on the fine artwork, the stirring vistas, the interesting sights, or anything else from this foreign place, all because their guide was an uggo. These people outed themselves as rude and shallow, and they don't deserve to go on any more tours.
Those Aren't Real Things, Don't Lie to Us
None of us have ever heard of those things, so of course, they aren't going to be sold at the local “convenient” store. And another thing: if the thing that gets your hackles up is the stores don't sell the right cookies, maybe you need to take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror, and then go join a gym.
Maybe buy some vegetables, and learn how to make soup. Go for a walk, maybe, instead of having a tour bus wheeze and groan as it carts your rolls all over the foreign city that you've chosen to bless with your bulk.
The Sheep-Herder's Tan
We all know that England is nothing but fog and dreary rain and Sherlock Holmes, but that's not the case in other places of the world. Mexico in particular is well-known for the heat and warm sun, which was missed by this visitor. We're all for making fun of this person who didn't know how the sun works, but there is a good point made – this is something that affects health.
Skin diseases are a real concern, and it might actually be a good idea to let people from the chilly, cloudy parts of the world know they should wear sunscreen.
Pointing Fruity Fingers
If you think it's necessary to leave a review because you thought you could get away with only drinking alcohol for your entire stay, we have a couple of reviews to leave about you, too. Like how you're a dumb-dumb. This person could have been at their destination for a weekend, a week, or more, but he or she decided to consume the cocktails the resort offered and only the cocktails.
In the future, one glass of water for every special drink. It's your own fault you've forgotten everything.
Time to Hit the Dictionary
For the uninitiated, a volcano is a mountain that has the potential to erupt. They allow hot lava, volcanic ash, and gasses to escape from a chamber of magma under the ground. That doesn't mean they're spewing fire every single day – that would actually be pretty bad.
A mountain can still be a volcano even if it isn't doing anything dangerous at the moment, which is something this reviewer failed to understand. You can be better than this reviewer.
Clouded Judgement
Plane goes up. That's just basic science. Plane goes up until time for plane to come down. Plane goes so far up that it's above the clouds! This rather simple fact was lost on the person that wrote this review since he or she seemed to think there would be no clouds in the sky. That's the only place clouds are unless things have changed since we last went outside.
Besides, how much could the kids actually spy from all the way up there? Airliners cruise at like six miles up. Pretty much the only thing they'll be able to see is clouds.
Welcome to Money
There are just some people that don't seem to understand how things work. Did they really think that kids would be able to ride free on something that costs thousands of dollars to maintain and fuel? These people are wild. Yeah, maybe your little ones eat for free at Denny's, but Denny's doesn't own any airlines.
If you want your kids to come with you to Maui, you'll have to shell out for a ticket. However, most airlines charge less for kids. They still charge, though.
And We Aren't Hungry Anymore
A little dose of gravy on top of warm turkey or creamy mashed potatoes is a treat. There are plenty of other things it can go on, too, but there's the rub: it has to go on something. If you're caught drinking gravy straight from the tureen, there's only one thing to do – hang your head in shame. This goes doubly if you thought it was soup, and complained that it was too thick and rich.
How does one confuse gravy for soup? We are unsure, and there are some things that humanity was not meant to understand.
Crossing Too Many Borders
We had to stop and think about this one for a bit. Someone travels all the way to Italy, a place with some of the most amazing food in the world, and they go to a Mexican restaurant? What exactly were they expecting? When it comes to authentic food experiences in Italy, it kind of has to be Italian food. Otherwise, it isn't authentic by definition.
What possessed these people to go to a Mexican restaurant in Italy, anyway? That's like going to a sushi restaurant in Indiana and expecting it to be as fresh as in Japan!
Sir, You Are in Our Bathtub
Lots of buildings have roofs. Some of those buildings have a pool up there, and a lot of those buildings are hotels. Places where a lot of people will want to relax and unwind. A pool on the roof is a selling point for these hotels, but some people don't fully understand the concept.
They apparently think that it means every room has its own pool on the roof – like, each individual roof. So, they went upstairs. Surprise surprise, they found another hotel room. This confused them. We're also confused, but for a different reason.
A Dearth of Wildlife
Did this person get all his or her information about Australia from Hanna-Barbera cartoons? Did they expect Australia to be nothing but dry plains, dusty mountains, and lots and lots of kangaroos? It would be like going to Chicago and wondering why there aren't loads of wolves wandering around, or Denver and grizzly bears.
Wild animals like kangaroos tend not to like places with lots and lots of people. There are probably plenty of places one can actually go to see kangaroos and other wildlife, just not in the city streets. Something like a zoo, maybe? We don't know, we aren't experts.
Knives Out
An egg slicer isn't the kind of thing that a lot of people need, unless you really like eggs, and you like them sliced. However, there are a lot of tools that can pretty much do the exact same thing. You probably have a bunch of them in your kitchen right now! They have a handle on one side and a sharp edge on the other.
Sure, you might not be able to slice an entire egg in one go, but you're smart, you can probably make do. The person who wrote this review wasn't able to handle it, however, and complained.
We Didn't Know a Single Thing
A resort offers a bus ride and a guide to local attractions. Sounds like things are working out pretty well. Too bad the trip was a bumpy one, and the person that left this review is only able to read while inside a bus. We joke, but why couldn't these people just read once they got to the resort?
Were they only there for a single day? Were they all tired out from their bus trip? What about Google? You could ask locals. Of course, all that would require work while you aren't inside a bus. Something some people just can't handle, apparently.
You Should See the Pepper Sea
For those that live inland, they might not have had a lot of experience with salt water. It can be a bit jarring. But calling it gross? That might be a step too far. Salt water makes up about ninety-seven percent of the water on Earth, so you might as well get used to it.
When talking about the Gulf of Mexico, it's hard not to find the term salt water somewhere in there – did they just scan past it? Did they think it was a fancy drink that is served wherever they were staying?
Missing the Bigger Picture
This person decided to take a trip to Stonehenge while in Britain, and wasn't, shall we say, all that impressed. Yes, when you think about it this way, Stonehenge is just a bunch of rocks. Really, really old rocks – about five thousand years. Really old rocks that have been set up in a specific pattern to coincide with the summer solstice. From really far away.
It's like saying a book is just a load of words, or a movie is just a lot of still images in a row, or a person is just a clump of cells.
Hopefully, They Send a Biology Book Instead
Okay, yeah, sure. Fine. Getting pregnant doesn't have to do with an incredibly well-understood physical process that, based on the details of the review, you were in full control over. No, that doesn't make sense at all. It's because you were in the same bed. This is like the grown-up version of the things kids think before they learn all the details, like holding hands or kissing will get you pregnant.
It's just too bad there's absolutely no way to prevent it otherwise. Or, also, fiancé is male, fiancée is female. We assume it's just a mistake, but it does bring up another question.
Better Learn Fast
Okay, okay, let's try to take the higher path on this one. Skiing isn't the easiest thing in the world – in fact, for a lot of people, it can be pretty difficult. Whizzing down snowy mountains at high speeds, using only your sense of balance and some poles to keep you from burying yourself face-first in a tree? There are a lot of simpler things.
If you sign up for a ski holiday, and you don't know how to ski...well, we don't really know what to say at that point...
It's Thirty-Five Miles in That Direction
Yeah, it didn't. Because it takes an hour's drive to get to the ocean from London, especially from any hotel that could feasibly have an ocean view. We hope that the response to this review was to send a link to a google map page that showed the closest ocean view. We can be fair and say maybe they meant a view of the River Thames. That's a lot more reasonable, right?
It comes from inside the country and flows straight to the ocean, so someone who was a bit tired after all that travel could have made a simple mistake.
Isn't That a Good Thing?
A stone is a British measurement of weight, equivalent to fourteen pounds. That means that these people have been on multiple cruises where they have gained the weight of a bowling ball, half a gold bar, or three Chihuahuas. Cruises are famous for their good food – and the amount of it.
Plenty of people will report stepping off the boat a bit heavier, but a lot of it will be water weight. Maybe the couple was saying the food wasn't good enough. They requested a full refund, but the way. We're going to guess they didn't get it.
A Fundamental Misunderstanding
If you're like us, you probably had a bit of confusion when you read this story. Why would the hotel have such a hard time with hairdressers? However, a little bit of thought reveals the truth: they don't hate hairdressers, they just don't have one working there for visitors to use.
As far as people who are staying at the hotels, we doubt that they care that you're a hairdresser. Especially if you're just trainees. These trainees should also train their brains to understand simple logic.
We Do Have Some Cages, but Not for the Animals
Maybe this person is from a city, maybe this person just likes to stay inside all the time, but he or she can't just expect every single animal that roams around in the great outdoors to be put in a cage every night, right? Yellowstone Park is a huge area, covering something like two-point-two million acres, and it contains uncounted millions of animals.
Sure, sleeping outside or in a tent while in Yellowstone contains a bit of danger when it comes to the wildlife, but that's what you'll have to get used to if you want to enjoy this national park.
Traveling is Always Expensive
Money and finances are one of the more intricate and detailed parts of living in our modern world, and it behooves everyone to have a working knowledge of how things function. For instance, different money has different values, based on...we're going to say ferrets. The ferrets are to blame.
Look, it's really complicated, and we're not going to pretend we know why, but some money will have different values – that's what the exchange rate is. This person is shouting into a hurricane if he or she thinks the amount before the conversion will be the same as the amount after.
It's Like a Parody of a Complaint
So, here's the thing about India – it's big. Like, it's really big. It's about one-third the size of the United States. And there's another thing: one of the religions prevalent in the country, Hinduism, believes that cows are divine and sacred. That means some big swaths of India not only don't eat beef, but they'd also consider it sacrilege.
Just the tiniest amount of research would have revealed this fact. Still, you can actually find McDonald's in India if you know where to look – they'll even sell you burgers if you ask nicely.
It's an Okay Wall
Hey, we'll be able to say the same thing about you one day, pal. For everyone's information, the place that this person was describing was the Great Wall of China. One of the wonders of the world. An amazing feat of engineering that took a period of roughly seventeen hundred years to build, beginning more than two thousand years ago.
It stretches a mind-boggling thirteen THOUSAND miles, over mountains and hills and valleys. Keeping something looking good for over two thousand years takes a lot more work than one might imagine.